Are Busybodies Born That Way?
95In my earlier
journalist avatar I was trained to focus on the Five Ws (and one H) in
order to put together a coherent report. However I never allowed that curiosity
to spill over into my private life. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? These are
questions I don’t spend too much time asking unless the answers are expected to
have some bearing on my life. Hearing them answered in relation to other people
doesn’t really interest me.
I am a firm believer in the 'live and let live' philosophy,
which is why I just can’t understand busybodies. What makes them tick? Why do
they need to know so much about everything and everyone around them? Most of us
have a few in our lives; people who buzz around incessantly collecting and
dispersing unnecessary information like bees in a garden. Or maybe I’m doing
bees an injustice here. They are certainly more discerning, collecting nectar from
specific sources and using it to create a useful byproduct like honey. Which is
more than you can say about the average busybody’s activities.
A busybody spends most of his time gathering misinformation
from various dubious sources and disseminating it among hapless others who have
little or no interest in his findings. He’s a meddler who thinks nothing of butting
into your affairs with unsolicited advice. He’s a nosey parker who wants to
know things you wouldn’t tell your best friend. He is inquisitive about things
that don’t concern him, and hugely irritating. He presumes altogether too much.
And in many cases he is a she but let’s stick to one gender for easier reading.
Are busybodies born that way or does life turn them into
obnoxious nosey parkers? I would think that anyone with a fulfilling life has
enough to think about without worrying about his neighbours or the rest of the
world. Is it a lack of excitement in their lives that has them seeking
vicarious thrills in other people’s scandals? Or could it be a lack of
tranquility that has them itching to meddle in the routine affairs of their
friends and family?
I recall a woman who lived next door when I was a child. She
seemed to spend all her time at the window. With three young daughters and a
succession of cats traipsing in and out of her house, one presumes she had enough
to keep her occupied, and yet she was always at that window watching the
goings-on in the neighbourhood. It freaked a lot of people out, especially the
youngsters, since she was always carrying tales to our parents. We took to
ducking every time we passed that window, and it wasn’t a very comfortable way
to live.
Lack of an occupation, or even an absorbing hobby, turns
many people into busybodies. If you have nothing to hold your attention your
mind will start wandering in directions it has no business heading for. Books
and music may work for some, assuaging the need for something to fill the gap
in their lives, but not everyone is so lucky. Some turn to cyberspace, and end
up making a profession of meddling in the lives of people halfway across the
world from them, people they’ve never even seen leave alone met.
Online communities are fertile hunting grounds for
busybodies. The Internet allows unlimited access to people and forums and it’s
easy for a skilled busybody to get carried away. My experience of online
communities is that they are often hotbeds of intrigue and gossip, with stories
getting spun and embellished faster than you can create them. It amazes me the
way people attribute motives to the actions or words of people who may or may
not be what they profess to be on cyberspace. How completely pointless!
I know this is turning into a rant but I seem to have
encountered more than my share of busybodies in the recent past. It begins to
rankle, especially if you haven’t discovered a foolproof way to deal with them
without being hopelessly rude. I’m looking for inventive ways to deal with the
busybodies in my life. Any suggestions?
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Good job FP!!! Busy Bodies and "Name Droppers" are mine.. I have no time for Gossips.. why just the other day I overheard..lemme see, who was it.. It's someone.. anyhooo.. they were saying the same thing about this friend of mine and ... oops.. nevermind.. sheesh.
Pretend you have amnesia!
You are asking the wrong person for suggestions here :-P
But then you didn't really ask me, did you? :-P
That was quick..what a bunch of little busybodies you are! :P
Kidding...thanks all of you for reading this so fast!
Noble Fox - sure you do a great job keeping tabs on the neighbourhood...all the best! :P
Candie, there's a fine line between being a busybody and justifiably passing on gossip...so where were we again? :)
Minilady...pretend not to know the busybody you mean? Hmmm...that's an idea!
And Ravin, of course I'm asking you!
Remined of Mrs. Cravitz from the old Bewitched TV show.. poking around the hedges wearing thoes crazy hats..
Yeah tell them FP!
I subscribe to the same belief as you do. Live and let live. And here's how I deal with busybodies, I pretend to be busy :D
I just don't like those nosey people! I have enough of them in my workplace.
Thanks Chris, why didn't I think of that I wonder! :P
Candie, hope you haven't been sneaking around behind hedges lately? :P
wassup???!!!!
Ignoring them is usually bliss :D
shamelabboush, I hear you - workplace busybodies can play hell with one's career and are best avoided. Thanks for reading.
Shal, remind me to tell you some stories about them! :P
FP & Shalini
Oh I want in on the loop! Or would that be busybody-ing? :D
I don't know if you meant it this way, but funny Hub - and so true.
My husband and I actually had some of the biggest busybody neighbors the world has ever known - but then they also turned out to be the sweetest, most helpful, most thoughtful, neighbors I've ever had. We learned to overlook their busybody-ness.
You have to be careful, though - sometimes if you don't tell busybodies what they want to know they'll fill in the blanks - and that can get particularly infuriating. :)
Hey, let me tell you the the juicy details about the hubber who..................... ::::trying to fill in the blanks:::::: I can't even pretend to be a busybody. LOL!
We have new neighbors who are a rather intrusive, they chopped part of our tree without asking, so both my s/o and I are polite, say a hello if we see them across the lawn, but we keep our distance, don't stop by to chat.
Chris, you're welcome to hear the stories...provided they act as fodder for your next story! :P
Lisa, if I weren't so irritated by the busybodies in my life I would laugh too! And the busybodies who fill in the blanks are the worst!
VioletSun, don't leave me hanging...you've got to complete that act of busybody-ness! :P Tell all...
Rant away FP...that itself has its own therapeutic benefits.;)
I think gossip has been recently recognised as healthy...catharsis, whatever... and I suppose as long as it isnt malicious and doesnt do damage...it could be fine.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19748142/
I have learned to shrug off hurtful gossip that makes its way back to me...it is amazing, even when you are no longer a part of a company...they are still talking about you.
However,as they say, if you are not being talked about...then maybe you are not interesting enough.
Awesome and hilarious. The best way to deal with these idiots is to be rude to them and tell them to have a look at themselves, atleast this is what I do, because just like you I believe in "Live and let live". Cheers and keep them coming
Interesting hub FP. Your comment on bees reminded me of a fact about bees. They actually execute something called the "dance of eight" which is their way of pointing out to fellow bees the direction of a food source. So in reality bees are busy processing and passing on relevant information and certainly more than your average busybody. ii) on your important question of how to deal with bbs. How about giving them titbits of false information which can put them into embarassing situations? Also perhaps one can add something about curiosity killing the cat - I guess the best thing one can say about bbs is they are very curious by nature?
Please keep the hubs flowing.
Diana, I feel better already! :P Gossip is fine...it's the interference in things that don't concern you and the unholy glee in passing on information that shouldn't concern you that rankles.
Thanks jb...I guess I have to learn to be rude! :)
Sabu, interesting fact about the bees. And I've been called a curious cat but I hope no one thinks I'm a busybody! :P
Thanks for reading!
I find it sometimes quite fun to tell a known gossip just a small bit of a story and then watch them 'fill in the gaps' and tell everybody, and then when people are shocked and come and ask you, you can rightly say you know nothing about it!
Hehe Cindy, feels nice and virtuous, right? :P
umm now what was it that triggered this one FP? :) "Move on" is your mantra isn't it? heehee
A rant is always good, depending on where its happening. Yes, the big word is IGNORE. One can get rid of almost everything. I speak from my experience during my previous incarnation on online communities. As the moderator of a huge group I took more hits than you can imagine, gave me a glimpse of the world around, and the silver lining was that I doubled my practical experience for my work! Now if only I could have listed it on my licensing process!!! lololol
As always, what a delightful hub, FP. I know you don't care much about gossip, but someone or something seems to have been getting under your skin lately. Let me know who/what it is ... I have a fly swat handy!
Uma, it's difficult to move on in the face of a persistent busybody! :)
LOL, thanks for the offer Jaspal...but even such obvious measures can't put off some!
I couldn't agree more. I never listen to anything someone tells me about someone else and I have always wished there were more people like me - but now it seems there are! Good hub.
Gosh FP! another hub that makes me smile broadly and nod in unison to every sentiment!....What makes Busybodies tick?...you ask?
I believe it's because they are 'pests' in human form and hence are prone to ticks/fleas....of the mind, so to say! They come into one's life to teach one patience/understanding/forgiveness....so everytime one approachs you with inane, exasperating queries....patiently stonewall him with a stoney silence or a biwildered expression:-)...trust me , constant use of these tactics will definitely wear his persistance....and he will then move on to bug some other unfortunate human organism....and you're off the hook..:-)...for now....:-P
Are you talking of busybodies? Well, I guess they are born that way. :( They should be shot with their own sh*t!
We need busybodies to make us look better. LOL And they do serve a purpose at times, or so they've told me. Like our friend Ag up there. hehe
busybodies- why rant about them- they serve a useful social purpose- that of spreading information- and who is to decide whther they do so with glee and hence become bb's? you are being very unfair to ex journos fp- ollllollllollllll .if it wern't for them id never know the latest who is with whome kindddd - i just love themmmmm-
The Good Cook - thanks for reading! Glad to hear I'm not alone! :)
Rashmi, that's an interesting take on the busybody business - so what I'm lacking is patience...hmmm. :P
quicksand, looks like you're lacking in patience too! :P
CC, nice to see you again! I guess some busybodies serve a purpose, but most need to be swatted or something!
neel - are you calling me a busybody?!!!!
Thanks for stopping by, all of you.
lol - you are a funny cat. I guess I won't eat you today :)
I think that the anti-busy-body is just as bad, if not worse. They are the people who walk on by even though you are lying there bleeding by the roadside :)
The non-malicious busy-bodies can actually be a lot of fun. I just moved to a new neighborhood, and some of them were very happy to give me a history of the place, as well as of most of my new neighbors :)
Thanks for sparing me shibashake. I promise not to walk by if I spot you bleeding by the roadside! :P
But you're right about non-malicious busybodies - this rant isn't directed at them, as long as they know when to stop being nosey!
Feline ,enjoyed your hub! So true! When I come across busybodies at parties or weddings, and they put forth uncomfortable, unnecessary questions, I change the topic thinking that I’m v. clever! Do they get distracted? Oh no..they answer you and go back to repeating their uncomfortable questions..grrrrrrr..makes me mad.. but then, I just give a smile and say that someone is calling me and walk away with a cheerful see you soon goodbye and avoid going anywhere near that person again.Oops, now you have me all worked up…lol! Anyway,I remember my mother in law, who was a doctor, telling me, that people who do crosswords and gossip never become senile as their minds are always working!.:)
Thanks for stopping by Laila. Social busybodies are in a league by themselves, and it can be really tough to escape their clutches. I guess we'll get senile before them but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind! :P
I don't believe in violence so shoot them! with a garden hose and just say, Oops! Sorry.
Feline Prophet, I read your Hub, here, yesterday (or maybe the day before, I forget); and earlier today I thought about you and your Hub when I saw a pretty impertinent question on the forum. What amazed me was that so many people were more than willing to proudly answer it. (!) :) I couldn't resist but give what I thought was a vague answer, in the hopes that someone would pick up on the (extremely subtle) hint that the question was pretty impertinent; but they all just kept on answering and answering - except for one person who, I guess like me, didn't give a straight answer. The question was probably from a harmless-busybody, but it just didn't sit well with me. :) I wanted to ask people, "Why are you answering this question?" - but I didn't want to insult anyone by implying they were sharing too much information.
The thought occurred to me to write a Hub about impertinent questions and how to handle them; but I don't know if I'll bother.
Lisa..I have felt just like you at certain questions in the forums.Atleast you were gracious enough to give a vague answer..I just dont bother to answer at all..LOL!
LOL...CC wish I had a garden hose ready every time I met a busybody!
Lisa and Laila...I'm so glad you brought this up. I have been wondering at some of the questions asked on the forums myself. Why would anyone want to know things like who would you fall in love with on the forum (among others)...and why would anyone want to answer those questions? I posted somewhere that by and large we hubbers seem to be a real bored lot! :P
Ok, I am seriously guilty of being somewhat of a busybody. I people watch. I people watch to study human behavior. I study human behavior because I go through spurts of thinking I can write, and interesting people get to star, if you want to call it that, in my attempts at entertaining (diluted, rearranged, and renamed to protect the guilty, of course!) And, my neighbors and I love a good cat chat session, where we dish more than we should. I do draw the line at spreading stories that could hurt though. I tend more to listen and less to talk.
I think C C Ritter has the best suggestion so far! Of course a little modification is suggested. Replace water with ... you know what! :)
JadedPoet, we all love a good gossip, and if we're among friends they understand. The annoying busybodies are those that you don't particularly want in your life anyway. Thanks for stopping by. :)
quicksand, are you sure you don't want to set some dogs upon the busybodies in your life? :P
O Prophet Feline, there ain't no busybodies in my life! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
In one place where I worked, there was a sign posted in a corner:
"Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people."
I don't know if it's true, though. Would it apply, for instance, to biographers of people who talked about ideas?
First; great use of the word "assuaging." I had to look it up!
Second; great article! I can offer some small advice. As a locally-known musician, I've endured my share of this type of thing, and have learned the best way to deal with it is not to acknowledge it - at all. The stories and rumours about me have flown, but I never acknowledged them. I simply went about my life - intent on my purpose. Those around me saw this and very quickly learned what was truth and what was not.
A friend once said something wise to me - regarding rumours and such; ""Garbage in, garbage out."
Simply do not acknowledge such trach as meaningful.
Mister G, I don't think biographers are busybodies in the real sense - unless they're bent on writing the unauthorised story of someone's life - based purely on scurrilous gossip. Thanks for stopping by! :)
Artisan, thank you...and did I use the word 'assuaging correctly'? :P The 'garbage in, garbage out' philosophy is a great one, as long the garbage coming one's way is limited. Sometimes it becomes a monumental heap.
Give 'em something to talk about! ;)
Even if you don't they'll find something to talk about! Thanks for stopping by futonfraggle. :)
Busybodies it reminds me of Susan on Deseperate Housewives.lololo I think they need to get a hobby.:)
LOL, you're right, she is quite the little busybody. Very entertaining as long as it's confined to the screen!
Busybodies are nosy and obnoxious. Don't they realize that they have the type of personality nobody likes to be around? So they have to try harder and harder to get the information desired because people avoid them like a plague.
That's an interesting point of view lata! Thanks for stopping by.
Feline - I'm late as usual ... still ... why do they call them busybodies? It's not their bodies that are the problem. It's their tongues. And online it's their fingers.
Gossip mongers are pernicious little folks as a rule. Though there are exceptions. The worst one I can think of is in fact my mother. The highlight of her day/week/life is inventing new and delicious rumours about what I'm doing, where I'm doing it and who I'm doing it with.
I like to think of myself as a good daughter - keeping her active and happy ;)
Hehe FD, what a dutiful little daughter you are. Sure Kevin's shennanigans must be giving her enough to talk about anyway! :P
I have a g/f who strays into the busybody category from time to time...I call her 20 questions...She is always asking questions....wonderful girl, and extremely loyal, but can only take small doses LOL
Enelle, funnily enough some busybodies are actually quite nice...when they stop asking questions! :)
Oh my, now that I live in a very small town, I know all too well, about busy, busy bodies!!! And, you have to be very careful about what you listen to and if and when you ever pass along the information, as innocent as it may seem at the time. Something positive and endearing, can be twisted and warped by the industrious busy body!!! I have one in particular of which I speak right now... on the surface she is kind, concerned and your "best" friend, until she reaps the information she needs and buzzes off like that determined little bumble bee. I have learned to keep my mouth closed most often, as I don't want to get stung!!! Great hub!!!!
Thanks MFG. I think you're in better company among all your adorable animals! :)
Ah yes, busybodies peering through the net curtains are a regrettable feature of life in English provincial suburbs. I avoid them like the plague and never take part in gossip.
We all have our share of them, and while some can be quite entertaining, one can't really take them in large doses!
FP- very true- we once had a neighbour across who sat peering out of her window 24x7. but we were wicked in our youth and had a friend who visited us on his motorbike. after dinner my hubby would duck behind and i would loudly say good night to him!! absolutely scandalous in army circles!! gave her fun times i'm sure!!
Haha, I'm sure she relished the re-telling of that tale! Thanks for reading, billy! :)
I have a new theory on nosey people. At least I think its new, as it's based on my own observations. I think many of them have ADHD. People with ADHD seem to need more external stimulation than the average person just to feel comfortable. Seeking social stimulation in any form is a way to meet that need. While they can certainly be very annoying, I now see them as people who are just trying to meet their own needs. But if they are malicious or deliberately make things up, that is another thing. Of course, as I think you & others have pointed out, most of us get some enjoyment out of hearing and even repeating some gossip, especially regarding affairs and sex. Just my two cents worth. Interesting hub topic.
You may be right about the ADHD, i scribble...never thought about it that way! Thanks for reading and commenting! :)
Really good hub. I cannot stand gossips or busybodies. I seem to find them wherever I go. I always get intrusive neighbors. I am talked about the most of anyone I know. But then I do give people a lot to talk about with my not so normal lifestyle and the many types of people that I associate with. My neighbors don't know what to think because they might see a black, hispanic, bum, government official, transvestite or any other type of person come to my house all in one day. I've come to the belief, true or not, that I'm the victim of busybodies because I'm so interesting! LOL.
What a great attitude, lisa! I'm sure you are so much more interesting than others - they can't help but wonder what's missing in their own lives!Thanks for stopping by. :)
I have resigned myself to pitying such people.
It is a little pleasant pass time of mine that I so enjoy...
Or... I Plant a comment and wow! How they grow it into a full blown wonder tale to feed their bus"Y"iness, ha!
I perceive a naughty streak somewhere, YU_First! Thanks for reading! :)
Fe, I am always astonished to discover that something I told a close friend is repeated back to me from a less close friend. This is the worst form of busybodying and I have learned to respond by either not telling anyone what is really at the bottom of my frustrations or telling everyone so that they can sort through my version and not someone elses, lol.
I woke this morning after a strange dream in which I forgave a person who has spread negative gossip about me- what a relief that was! I do not like it when I find myself being a busybody, but it is part of my heritage!
Sometimes, what appears to be busybodying is someone trying to work out their stuff using you as a metaphor. Strange, eh? Hugs.
Someone is using me as a metaphor? Suddenly the whole busybody thing takes on a new dimension! Thank you S, for suggesting I can be more tolerant. Hugs to you too! :)
Are busybodies attracted to particular states? May be there are more rude people around here.
I wouldn't know about that, but I think they're everywhere! Thanks for reading, LaSalette! :)
agvulpes Level 4 Commenter 2 years ago
Ah now my cuddly little Garfield look alike, when it is someone else they are busy bodies . When it's me I'm looking after the neighborhood. lol
btw. did you hear about.......