Help, I’m a Hypochondriac!
78It’s strange how much we take good health for granted. As long as we’re in the pink of health, we don’t care about the mysterious workings of our body. I know I never spent much time wondering which organ played what role in my body and how it was connected to another or how the whole system came together. It worked well, and that was enough for me.
And then age began to catch up with me. I, who rarely had much to do with doctors, suddenly found myself having to pay regular visits to our friendly neighbourhood general practitioner, who put me through a battery of tests and discovered that I wasn’t quite as healthy as I thought. Gulp. Nothing serious, he assured me. Right. That’s what they all say! My heart started beating wildly, my pulse rate probably resembled a runaway train…in no time at all I was a wreck!
He put me on medication, advised changes in lifestyle, gently suggested I lose some weight, and watched while I staggered out of his consulting room. Frightening thoughts crowded my mind, all sorts of scary scenarios flashed before my eyes…and the funny thing is I knew all along that I was overreacting. Did that stop me from further scaring myself witless? Of course it didn’t!
As I was bemoaning my fate and wringing my hands in despair, a little voice in my head kept telling me to behave. “You aren’t the only person in the world with a not-so-healthy system,” it rebuked. “Take this as a warning and get on with life! And no more cheese, haven’t I told you before? And while you are at it, you can stop the chocolate too!” That brought me up short. No chocolate? This was worse than I thought! My life was already finished!
I did eventually stop moaning and tried to implement the lifestyle changes recommended. I even accepted that perhaps it was high time I began to be more sensible about what I ate. For a while all was well. Or as well as could be, considering all was not actually well with my system, but let’s not split hairs. What I couldn’t have predicted was that there were two different voices in my head – the sensible and practical one, and the mischievous, troublemaking voice of doom that suddenly decided to make its presence felt.
In my more lucid moments the sensible voice prevailed, assuring me that I was on my way to being healthy again. But then the troublemaker would pipe up, and point out that I had an ache in some part of my body or a twinge in another and was I sure that I hadn’t contracted some incurable ailment? And off I would go into panic mode again. No amount of meditation and positive thinking seemed to be able to still those alarming thoughts; they just kept sneaking into my mind.
“You think too much, that is your problem,” said my husband. As if I could stop my mind from thinking even if I wanted to! “That may be so,” I agreed anyway, “but do you think I could be suffering from something else as well?” I didn’t need to see his rolling eyes to realise that I was displaying sure signs of being a hypochondriac. I knew I was doing it; intellectually I was quite aware that I was dreaming up ailments where there weren’t any but that didn’t stop me from imagining the worst.
“I’ve become a hypochondriac,” I mournfully confessed to a doctor friend, and would you believe it, he rolled his eyes too! “It’s people like you that keep doctors in business,” he said. “Snap out of it!” The irony is that I actually hate consulting doctors! Fortunately I haven’t had much to do with them for most of my life. Now that I have reason to consult them, I don’t want to go anywhere near them! I’d rather not know what they think about the state of my health. Ignorance, after all, is bliss. Now if only I could ignore that voice in my head!
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Mighty Mom, good to see you! So glad to hear I'm not alone in my anxiety...but I'm happy to admit chocolate goes a long way in calming those fears! :)
May I pipe in? Being a woman of that certain age too, I agree that chocolate is healthy, so I enjoy a cup of hot dark chocolate with fat free whipped cream! I chuckled at your doc friend rolling his eyes when listening to your concerns. hehe.
Charming and very human hub!
Hello Prophetess Feline, I can tell you that I am acquainted with over a dozen hypochondriacs from my school days and most of them have been in the best of health up to the time of writing ... GOSH! Come to think of it, ALL OF THEM ARE STILL ALIVE!!!
Hi FP, another great Hub. When we men get to that certain age, we have fears too of a different kind. Unfortunately we aren't even able to discuss these with the friendly neighbourhood GP lol.
Keep them coming FP. Your Hubs are too few and far between.
wowo a new approach - think your way to weight loss !!!
Heh heh. I am another woman of a certain age, FP, and know your agony intimately. If it's anything like mine, that voice of yours will get you to read every lurid detail of the medication prescribed to you, right down to the rare and uncommon side effects, and of course, you are one of the rare ones!
If you ever get the chance, go to YouTube and watch a Saturday Night Live episode with Bob Newhart called "Stop It!" Your doctor friend would probably enjoy this too!!
All the best, that is, all the best that you can be at this certain age...:)
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Up until recently, I have been one of the fortunate ones, FP. My Young Rashmi, my GP, knew exactly what is wrong with me even before I felt anything and she kept me in top condition. Until now. She has just moved to another surgery and, though I tried to follow her there, they will not accept me because I live too far from it. Now I shall have to emigrate to India and rent a house next to you, so I can share your doctor :-)))
VS, we women of a certain age have to stick together! Here's to chocolate! :)
quicksand, you give me hope! :D
sabu, I have a suggestion - I'm feeling much better after I spilled my guts on HP - maybe you should try the same thing! Ouch...are those my guts out there? :P
neelesh, there are some for whom such things work!
lorlie, I get the feeling you just called me a side effect! LOL. I shall certainly look for the episode you mentioned.
DG, sorry to hear that Doc Rashmi has dumped you - but you're welcome to share my doctor! Maybe we can compare notes on imaginary ailments! :D
Thanks for reading, all of you. :)
Hey Garfield my friend. I've done heaps to address my health and all it took was a change of diet and more consciousness on the little things. My liver was sluggish and kidneys needed a good clean. All fixed now. No more processed foods. Only natural sugars and I feel great. I do weaken to the odd piece of chocolate but now I have my taste buds back I chose 85% cacao chocolate and it tastes great. Still not too crazy about the aging process though! LOL.
Hey FP - I can so relate to this hub :) I am just like that!! I am having my share of health issues lately - nothing serious, but still I can't stop imagining stuff!!
Guess I am overly anxious about my health and perhaps needlessly worry, just as you!!
Stop cheating FP. You are a young one yet...but yes you can cut down on all the fish curries and chocolate and wine, if you are that worried about it affecting your health and send them over to me.You know my address......
You know doctors are the biggest pessimists on planet earth. All they do is ambush people who are unwell and make them sick.
Frankly after I made my previous comment, I put down a list of the people I referred to. They consisted of relatives, friends and neighbours. At that time I recall my sister needed to do some research on hypochondriacs and their behaviour!
That is how these guys got close to our hearts! I put down my list and just made a mental recall of our last few meetings with them. Amazingly ... you know none of them has ever even been hospitalised!
I could tell you a lot more about the positive side of all these which includes one particular General Physician who was an exception, but, I am deeply concerned about your bandwidth. So I won't! :)
FP, please don't believe all that the docs tell you. I am quite sure you are quite fit and very fine. You mentioned something about medication. Believe me, the lesser you have of that, the better. I hope you asked the doc in some detail - why and for how long - about each of the prescribed items. Do check them out on the net too ... there's a lot there on every pill and capsule which no doc usually has time to explain.
What you must do, more important than cutting down on some foods, is to start a daily walk, or swim or some such activity. That is good for the mind and body, and actually makes you feel right on top of the world. Maybe even golf if you can find the time for it ... I started much after your present age!
Another "from the heart and mind" Hub from you, FP, a joy to read.
Here's something that might put the anxiety in another light...our generation is experiencing the longest and healthiest life span of any generation. Age happens, no getting around it. We just happen to be fortunate for the medical "tweaking" we can get to sustain energy and good health as we age.
Your two voices are common to all of us at this stage of life. You have lots of company.
No more chocolate? That's a fate worse than death. Doesn't your doctor know that a balanced diet is ... a chocolate in each hand? Show him my hub on "Benefits of Chocolate" and you might persuade him to see the light.
Very realistic portrayal of a hypochondriac, FP - a not uncommon problem.
Doctors...what do they know ?
I intend to carve upon my tombstone;
"I Told You I Was I'll !"
Hey FP,
The voice in your head states 'Spend more time writing on HP, and the bare minimum at the Doc's!' :-)
Just remember the adage: Moderation in all things, (chocolate included!) except writing on HP!:-)
Write more, worry less!
...Missed ya!
Cheers!
Jewels - I'm trying to get all philosophical about life and death - but I still need that chocolate! Darn! :D
Shil - Take a deep breath and say 'All is well'! :)
Di - Would I inflict all those food induced worries on you? Never! :P
quicksand - you continue to give me hope! :)
Jaspal - I've been walking for ages - I'm not as much of a lazy couch potato as I may seem! Golf seems a little out of my ambit however. :D
ST - I don't think I really have long term worries about longevity - all the anxiety is in the present moment! But I'm glad to hear I have company! :)
drbj - Next time I visit the doc I'll show him what a balanced diet is! Maybe I'll convince him to add it to the prescription! :)
Merlin - Haha, that sounds like an epitaph that can be adopted by Hypochondriacs Anonymous! :)
Rashmi - Thanks for interpreting the voice in my head! :D
Thanks everyone for taking my mind off...you know what! :)
Im a hypocondriac though no fault of my own !! ( just joking) but I do think that doctors do very little to aleviate our fears ,I have suffered painful knees for a year or more,putting it down to 'AGE' !! Finally I did venture to the docs and got bombarded with the inevitable tests..within 4 weeks I had MS,Lupus and Rumatoid Arthritis, that was what I was told it could be,not all at once ,in turn as the test results came in.I still dont really know what the problem is,my hair has stopped falling out,the rash has all but gone,on the downside,I have swollen knees and ive had to have my hair cut short ,the tablets the doc gave me are useless ,they make me weepy and depressed ,BUT,on the good side 2 paracetamol and a cuddle works wonders....Wish I hadnt gone to the docs now, painful knees had me thinking I was gonna end up in a wheelchair or worse,now I await the results of tests done by yet another doc to determine if my problem is Arthritis or not!! We are hypocondriacs because most of the time the doctors are responsible with their fear instilling wrongful diagnosis
Loveslove - Aha, I knew someone else was to blame for my hypochondriac condition! Thanks for reading, and I hope your knees get better soon! :)
When I was a kid, my father was fond of proclaiming, "All women are neurotics." He -- and only he --suffered pain. My senior year in high school, when he was rushing me to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy, I told him not to worry, that my neurosis had just gone to my appendix. Would you believe he got mad?
I enjoyed your very believable hub. Cheers for chocolate!
Thanks for reading mysterylady...I can imagine the look on your father's face when you told him that! :)
Well my FFF you did just spill your guts on Hubpages didn't you ? Well kicking that to one side (or under the table) for a minute I agree with Jewels that 85% chocolate is the way to go! My guess is that you are too lazy (by your own admittance) to be a Hypochondriac lol
You know the old saying "A Hub a Day keeps the doctor at bay" Is that how it goes? lol
A hub a day keeps the doctor at bay? Maybe...as long as it doesn't involve writing them! You know us lazy types...:D
Good to see you here, oh noble fox. :)
Hi! Feline
Enjoyed your hub very much. One could just cry with you. Your husband seems to be much more balanced than you, follow him strictly. Hey! Old age is for enjoyment not for crying. Enjoy! Just go to Pani Puri wala take Bhel puri and Pani puri (do you live in Mumbai? or take Chat if you are in Delhi etc.) see all the Hypochondriac business is gone!
For your enjoyment of Old age here are two links to two poems by Kavi Ghotoo
Hi soumyasrajan - it's not old age that bothers me - it's the thought of dealing with illness. But I will take your advice anyway! Thanks for reading! :)
Lucky you Feline to have a friend for a doctor; keeping people scared is good for business, just as it is good to prescribe medication that will only mask the symptoms, but keep the patient alive. Doctors do not make money from healthy people or dead ones, so turning people into hypochondriacs is a great way to ensure successful practices. Stay away from them, but keep on eating chocolate and you will do just fine.
Petra - I try my best to stay away from doctors! :)
Feline Prophet. Hi. Doctors Surgeries are the very last place most folks want to spend time in, well I'm guessing that's true.
These Doctors tend to ask you what's wrong with you, then proceed to tell you what you don't want to know.
I'm not trying to make light of your Health concerns, but your account of visiting your Doctor did make me smile.
The naughty voice in your head always seems to win, not sure why that is.
Chocolate in moderation, maybe, but could not stop eating it for ever, that would make me very grumpy.
The raised Eyebrows, seen that many times, don't you just hate it when they are sorta right.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience with us.
You do have a very special and honest way of writing. Loved it. :) :)
Thanks for stopping by, oliversmum. I so agree with you about chocolate - I could never give it up - rolled eyebrows or not! :D
Being the world's greatest hypochondriac, I truly feel for you FP. Great Hub. I was waching some kids play football one day and the ball landed close to me. One of the kids shouted, "Hey, mister, kick the ball back!" When the heck did I become a mister. Only yesterday I was 10 playing football with those kids.
Haha, sounds like I'm in good company. Thanks for reading, alex. :)
Awesome hub FP, I totally relate. In fact, I think the internet is my biggest opponent when it comes to being a Hypochondriac. Yes, it can be extremely informative but I fear that it puts NEW thoughts in my head that I didn't have before! Oy :)
I think writing this hub made me realise how silly I was being! :D
Thanks for reading, Bizziebee!
i was told by someone that eating less and not sleeping in the afternoons is a sure cure for hypocondria. try it for a few years you might see an improvement.
Thanks for the advice neelesh...I will seriously consider it!
From someone who can't eat chocolate (you have to be kidding me, right?) I totally say go for the chocolate. It is what makes women right!! Even men!!
I work in medicine so I go both ways and play for both teams so to speak. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. My poor Bob recently had the worst scare in our married life. Our doctor who I love to death because he saved me last year with my renal hypertension thing....scared my poor Bob out of his mind and thus me with him!
He had him convinced he had stomach cancer or at the very least scads of ulcers from one end of his stomach to the other. When Bob woke up from anesthesia, he was muttering he was 'done'. We had to call the GI doc over to the surgery center whereupon I grilled him like the medical board only to find out that Bob had an esophageal ring that needed dilating!
I burst into tears (which kinda surprised everyone including me) - I was torn between taking a pillow and smothering my husband on the spot, kissing the doctor on the mouth and giving him my phone number, and clicking my heels and jumping in the air!
What they put us through sometimes is insane but then the alternative is we'd have to perform all these tests and exams on ourselves, and I don't know about you but I'm not one for seeing my own blood much less anyone else's!
Hang in there - you have many friends 'of a certain age' and sigh....it just gets better and better...but I always say it beats the alternative!!
Can't eat chocolate?!!! Why?!! There has to be a (funny?) story in that somewhere!
Thanks for reading, Audrey. I can tell you identified with the hub. I'm also happy to report that I'm not so paranoid anymore. That little voice in my head seems to have quietened down...I think it couldn't take all that unaccustomed extra activity. :D
I've gone through long stretches of my life worrying about my health, and I'm in excellent condition. As indicated in some of the comments, doctors can make it worse --see my hub "Know the Nocebo Effect" (http://hubpages.com/hub/Know-the-Nocebo-Effect). For an early humorous reference, see the first few pages of the hilarious novel "Three Men in a Boat" by Jerome K. Jerome. Also, look up Dr. Sarno and his work with so-called "imaginary" pain.
When I say "I feel your pain" I mean it a little too literally. I think this is why some people don't like being reminded of others in pain.
How true, Jeff...many of us don't like to be reminded of another's pain or ill health lest it bring to mind our own! I must read Three Men in a Boat again - such a delightful book! :)
I'm so wayyyy behind, I'm terribly sorry my dear friend.. oh.. you think my name is familiar, but can't quite put your finger on it!?! Hahaha!
I noticed neither your doctor or the voice(s) in your head warned you against margaritas! WooHoo! A vice we can live with! Yeah for us! Have two.. one for each of us and toast to years and years of hypochondria! Cheers!
What's a margarita or two without a partner in crime to share it with? Come on over...er...what did you say your name was? :D
Hi FP,
Boy, do I relate to this! My dr recently told me that I have a blood disorder. What?! I, who for the most part, have been pretty healthy my whole life now has a blood disorder? I have always considered myself to be healthy, but, a blood disorder? oh, am I repeating myself? :)
Well, he claims I have too many red blood cells and too much iron in my blood. Had I not had a blood test, I would have gone on, blissfully unaware that something sinister was going on inside my body. His recommendation to me was to donate blood more often, which thankfully, I do not fear, as I have donated my blood many, many times. I just need to do it more frequently. It is interesting but scary to know that things may be going on in one's body yet the person experiences no symptoms of any kind to even know it's happening. Very mysterious, the human body.
Do I obsess over imagined diseases? Absolutely. I am usually pro-active with my health checkups, but as of late, I have stopped going for even routine maintenance, if you will. One test I feel I should have is a colonoscopy, but it scares the crap out of me, because the voices in my head tell me they are going to find cancer. Not to mention I would feel so embarrassed. I need to get over the fear, because as one doctor put it, it would be a sad state of affairs if one were to 'die of embarrassment'. Food for thought, eh?
Dying of embarrassment is as good a way of dying as any! :D
But I understand...darn those voices in the head...why can't they go take a nap or something?!!
Thanks for stopping by, trish! :)
Hmm,,,no, FP, I think I'd rather die in my sleep :)
The brain is an amazing thing. Too bad it never takes a rest. Even in sleep, the voices persist lol.
Wonder if ear plugs would work? :D
LOL, so we couldn't hear ourselves? Let me know if it works! Funny!
Hey FP, very funny and true. Woody Allen says: "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
I say you have to be committed to ignore all the voices in your head, but if you talk back you will be. =:)
Hello there Winsome! I've been trying to out-talk those voices over the past few months, and I think it might be working! While I don't want to live to be a hundred, I could do with a less noisy head while I am alive! :D
Thanks for reading! :)
My advice to you , try to forget and think in some thing so important , this make you forget and try to live every moment of your life.
Thank you for your good advice ImChemist...and thank you for reading! :)
Hi, how on earth did I miss this? I giggled all the way through it! I am so pleased that there is someone else out there that is like me! I know exactly what you mean about that little voice! lol I hope your health regime is going well and you are eating loads of chocolate! it is healthy, it is, honest! lol
Hi Nell, I think I've managed to silence those voices a bit...or maybe I'm just going deaf! :D
Haha, funny yet so familiar. My lifestyle advice incorporates plenty of chocolate and red wine! Patients seem to love this approach.. Can I direct you to 'Tell me what it is' and 'Worried well and the Deniers' two of my hubs that talk about these very same themes. Only yours are so much more fun!
I like your advice, Docmo! :)
Shall certainly read your hubs - it's always nice to learn that one is not suffering alone!
Another gem, Your writing is superb, your style engaging and your purpose clear. Always nice to run across talent on the hub. Be well.
Thank you arb - you are very kind! I'm off to read more of your hubs now. :)
I cannot imagine my life without chocolate...I'll cry for you, bless your heart. Great article and very enjoyable to read.
Thank you, W.K. Hayes! :)
And I'm managing to occasionally sneak in the chocolate!
Mighty Mom 20 months ago
Oh FP, this hub is so human! Maybe you have to be a woman of "a certain age" to relate. But I certainl do!We feel fine until we're told we're not really fine. Then we're obsessed with our health. You soooo nailed that concept!Voting up this hub.
MM. P.S. Cut down on the cheese, but chocolate is a health food. Really!!