Going Grey Gracefully
There comes a time when one has to accept defeat against the inexorable forces of nature. Mine has come. For more than a decade now I’ve been fighting a losing battle with whichever pigmentation god has been assigned the task of stripping my hair of its natural colour. I’ve tried to be sneaky and duck behind camouflage gear, but even that is wearing thin. Grey is a very determined colour, and you can try to hide it behind plums and burgundies but it’s going to slip past, and expose you for a fraud. Never doubt it.
A few months ago I decided to give in gracefully. This is not a battle I am ever going to win so I might as well surrender and let nature take its course. And if you think that’s a cowardly act, let me assure you it’s one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. I stopped colouring my hair. There, I’ve said it, and perhaps I should give you a few moments to recover. If you’re like most of my friends you’re probably in shock.
“Stopped colouring your hair,” screeched one of my dearest friends. “But, but…you’ll look old,” she sputtered. Old? I wasn’t going to remind her that we were almost that already, and a few grey hairs weren’t going to tilt the balance much. Besides she had already scuttled off to peer at her hair in the nearest mirror, terrified that my sacrilegious thought might have caused her carefully coloured hair to revolt as well.
It struck me then that what scared her more than me looking older than my years was the fact that people might begin to suspect that she was harbouring more than her fair share of grey as well. And people can do the math, you know. Even taking into account that premature greying is more common now than it ever was, a head full of grey hair does usually imply advancing years.
The thought of looking my age or older than I actually am didn’t really bother me. What I couldn’t face however was that in-between stage of letting the grey grow out – when the previous colour begins to fade and the roots start showing the grey and the head looks like an abstract painting gone badly wrong. I wasn’t going to take the drastic step of shaving all my hair off or cutting it really short to hasten the growing out process. So I was just going to have to grit my teeth and bear it. And perhaps not look in a mirror for a few months if I could help it.
So I allowed myself to grey, and there was nothing graceful about it. The first few months were really difficult. It’s easy to make a grand gesture and feel virtuous about it. It’s less easy to actually see it through. My hair resembled, well…nothing on earth! It took on a unique hue of its own, evoking some raised eyebrows and some hastily stifled sniggers. I couldn’t avoid a mirror forever and each time I stepped into a harshly lit elevator I cringed at the larger than life reflection of my crowning glory.
My husband didn’t think I’d be able to last long, and suggested I just put myself out of my misery instead of dragging the painful process out any longer. He should have known better. I might waffle about making a simple decision but once I’ve made it, there’s no going back. I was going to see this through.
It’s been five months, and while my hair still looks like an unfortunate palette of drab colours, it seems to have settled down a bit. Or perhaps I’ve just got used to it. I figure it will take another six months or so till the colour grows out completely, and then I’ll be able to see how grey I really am. What I didn’t expect is the sense of liberation I’ve come to experience. It’s wonderful not to be a slave to artificial aids any more, and I find I’m so much more relaxed about the way I look now.
I used to say in jest that I was going grey…disgracefully. I don’t feel that way any more. I’ve stopped being apologetic about the state of my hair. And just the other day a friend looked at me and said, “Why, you’re looking so distinguished!” What does it say about me that I was actually quite tickled by her words? That the concept of vanity changes with time? ‘Distinguished’ makes me sound like an aging statesman or stern schoolmarm. I’m neither. And nor will I ever be. I’ve realised that how I look from the outside is never going to change the way I feel inside. I am me, regardless of the colour of my hair. And there are no grey areas about that!
Actually, I think FP was hiding from her reflection in her computer monitor too...now that she is 'distinguished looking', we shall see more of her on HP :P
Seriously,my dear...you have gorgeous skin and no amount of grey hair is going to make YOU look old...not for some time yet at least.
The long wait has proved worthwhile. Another winner from the FP stables.
But honestly, FP, if you think you've got problems, think about me.
My hair are fighting the good fight between going grey first or bald.
And would you believe both sides are winning?
Hehe, you're a doll, Shal...and yes, who cares indeed? :P
Diana, you're a doll too! LOL. And seriously, I'm not worried about looking old. Takes too much effort. :P
Sabu, the thing to do is stop worrying! (Famous last words! :P)
Dear Distinguished FP,
I am really happy to see this hair raising hub!:-)
One more jewel added to your Crowing Glory!
It sure brought a deep chuckle and satisfied smile from me,to finally find someone else who decided to stop coloring their hair!!....Good for you!....and may I add, the slogan these days is, Grey is Beautiful!:-)
Cheers!
Thank you Rashmi...seems we're birds of the same feather! :)
Well, I began greying in my 20's. I am now 73 and my very thinned hair is white. Sabu singh's comment is pretty accurate.
So relax and enjoy looking more "distinguished".
yeaaaaaaaaaaa another one joins inn. bet you are looking gorgeousssssss
O Prophet Feline ..... Hey you're a gal? Used to think you were a guy!!!
Well ... I have the solution, a permanent solution to the problem of graying hair, and you sure know that I do!
Mine isn't graying. My hair is turning silver! My gran was gray early in her 30s and it went from black to white.. not a gray in it. I love the silver, and when you called gray a color I laughed. Gray is a 'non color' to me. These days I'm not looking a little gray.. no siree!! I'm looking a little brown! Not surrendering my L'Oreal just yet, tho!
cheers to you! You look wonderful and as Shalini said "who cares what anyone says"!!
Jackwms - thank you, I will try and adopt a suitably distinguished expression! :)
Why, thank you Neelesh! (Wondering whether to bat my eyelashes)
quicksand - you didn't honestly think I was a guy! You haven't been reading my hubs! :P And yes, we all know about your solution for grey hair...hehe.
Way to go, Candie...I'm sure L'Oreal needs the boost! :P And I'm looking forward to silver actually...how elegant does that sound?!!
Thanks minilady! :)
Anything to help boost your adsense!! LOL!! You can take me out for coffee someday!
I still remember plucking out my first gray hair - in the beard! - at age 35 or so. The stubborn fellow kept reappearing, and I was equally stubborn in plucking him out each time. One day he decided to attack in double strength and showed up with a comrade in arms ... I fought that battle bravely but foolishly for many years till better sense prevailed!
I admire your decision to keep the plumage natural. You will be getting the best of both worlds: The gray will further highlight your aristocratic and dignified looks and radiate the strength of character, grace and wisdom which you are so blessed with, while freeing you of worries and time consuming hassles. Yet, in no way will it stop you from being your usual witty and naughty self! :)
Candie don't bother about my adsense...I'm too lazy to have even figured out how it works,leave alone signed on for it! But always a pleasure to see you here! :)
And coffee? Nah...we deserve something with a little more pep, don't you think? :P
Jaspal, you are kind as ever! You forgot to add that a Field Marshal would look more credible with a touch of grey! :P
Prof, I mean Proph, Well, I've read all your hubs but nowhere do you state that you are a gal. In this one you refer to your "husband!"
By the way we all know that Garfield is a Tomcat! ... and ... well I hope you don't remember the guy to guy chat I had with you! :) :) :)
Haha...quicksand, my husband makes an appearance in many of my hubs...you're going to have to start reading them all over again!
You know, that's one thing I never did (colored my hair) for the simple reason - a person in my profession should look older than he/she is :-D
Smart policy, Doc! :)
hi there,
it's great to hear when one accept their own age and allow themselves to age gracefully. Thanks for sharing :)
Feline Prophet: Its great you have enough self acceptance to be comfortable with going gray. Some people look great with silver hair, my ex did, he looked very elegant. As for me, I will still cling to my Ms. Clairol or is it L'oreal, don't remember which brand I use, as long as its of those new 10 minute color creams. LOL!
Thanks for the smiles this hub gave me. :)
Thanks for reading, blogshopsreview. :)
VioletSun, I'm hoping I can move from 'distinguished' to 'elegant' soon! Thanks for visiting! :)
Ok, Margarita's it is! WooHoo!!! Love ya lots!
One day in the parking lot of my neighborhood grocery store, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that a lovely woman was matching my pace, directing herself to the place in the lot I was going. It was an odd sensation...I just knew that she wanted to intersect with me, so I let it happen. She and I met at the place you return your grocery carts, and she said to me, with a big smile, "Au naturale?"
I didn't know her from Adam. Her hair was longer than mine (that's saying a lot), streaked with white and black, and fixed in a most gorgeous but also natural style. What a beautiful woman! My hair is very long, a pale blond that gets that color only through age...there is no L'Oreal or any other artificial color that will do it, and this stranger knew it!
We both laughed out loud. Yes, we are both au naturale. Well, FP, we three are au naturale. What a blessing.
Like Candie V, I had a gran whose hair was white before she was 30. She put "bluing" in her hair, so her beautiful white hair was always a shade of a Maxfield Parrish sky.
I did mess with my natural color for a few years, but no more. I am me, and that's it. Take it or leave it.
Did I say thumbs up?
Cheers to that, Candie! :)
ST - people have stopped using blue rinses these days, haven't they? The idea always intrigued me - why blue? And you have long hair? Somehow I always imagined you with short hair! The next time you send me a picture of Stephanie, please try to be in it too! :)
Thanks for stopping by ST...a pleasure, always! :)
I love hair on little, elderly ladies in "not from nature" shades of blue and lavender. They are suppose to diminish the dull gray and make it more white/silver, but some hair just goes blue or purple instead. Well it matches their polyester sweat suits!
Lavender? How about pink? That would look like candie floss! :P
Well ladies and gents this is fastfreta, and I find myself on both sides of the fence, one side today and the other side tomorrow. I wrote a hub about going gray, and since then I still haven't made up my mind about what to do.
I was in the process of growing back my thinning hair, while wearing a wig. Well I grew my hair back, but I'm stuck in the wig, or rather wigs. I just love the looks from my different wig dos. As for my real hair, I'm doing the skunk look thing again, (black and white), get the picture. I have colored my hair once or twice since the article, but it grows so quickly, that at this point I'm letting it grow out, but once I decide to let go of the wigs, then the real test begins.
So folks, the jury is still out for me at this point, and fortunately I don't have to decide just yet, as the wig thing is my passion these days.
Feline Prophet, you did write a pretty powerful testimony as to why one should just give in, and perhaps I'll keep this hub handy to help me make up my mind. Very good hub.
Ahhh...it can be a dilemma. My advice would be to just wi(n)g it till you're comfortable with going grey! Thanks for reading, fastfreta! :)
As usual, brilliant. And touching. And - it goes without saying but I'll say it anyway - funny! I think gray (or grey, depending on what linguistic plot of land we're standing on) is beautiful and distinguished and I'd rather die than ever dye again. Love you, Prophet, in any form or color you wish to take.
Thank you my dear MindField! And trust you to spot the spelling of grey! :)
Feline Prophet, just perrrrrrfect!
Witty, charming and honest. I'm going to take your advise and embrace the Gray! Jaspal, I'll try not to succumb to the desire to pull out the little sneaking gray hairs, and enjoy the "distinguished" look as it comes. (More and more every day :)
Thanks Feline
Ms Disntiguished Prophet... or would that be, Ms Distinguised Feline? :-) Good for you! I've a great example at home, my mother went gray quite young and she always was the most distinguished looking mom around school, all my teachers used to fall for her! Pity I didn't inherit that trait! Laugh!
Thank you DOB! And whatever you do, don't pull those sneaky things out...we can do with all the hair we have at this stage! :)
Et tu, Elena? I'm lobbying for moving up to 'elegant' from 'distinguished'! :P
I work with a 38 year old who is totally gray. It looks good on her. On me, it is not pretty. It's sporatic and makes me look like I did not brush my hair. I can totally relate to your experience. I still touch up about every 3 months. Can't remember what the real color of my hair was, but I know what color it will be soon. Fun Read, thanks.
Hello Whistler...unlike people who have bad hair days, I have bad hair seasons, so come summer and I'm going to have a head that looks like an unruly grey mop! :P
Thanks for stopping by!
You are much braver than I my friend - I can't stand that 'in between' stage! I don't colour all my hair, I streak it ;) that way, I still keep the glorious silver streaks and temper the dull, drab 'in between' parts LOL...
I'm not braver, Enelle...just lazier! :P
Feline ..lol!great hub!I'm positive that I will be blind to your grey hair, when and if I meet you..all that I'll see is an amazing and awesome great writer!:)
Thank you Lyla! :)
I hope we meet when I'm at the elegant stage!!!
I'd swap my lack of hair for more hair, even if it was grey. Welcome to the "distinguished" club :)
LOL, that's exactly what my husband says, sannyasinman!
Loved this---I too fought this battle when I was younger, but I look at it differently now at 77 years young (you are what you are). I was one of the lucky ones, I did not start with grey, NO! I just jumped into snow white and soon found out how many benefits it brought with it.
I have written several crazy hubs on aging and that white hair had a power that all the hair coloring in the world could not give.
I do admit that sometimes I do just slap a hat on it and go out the door, (in case I forgot to comb my hair).
Thank you GN! I wish I could slap on a hat too, but I can't bear anything alien on my head! :)
I should print this and have my mother read. She has maroon hair if you must know!
But I loved the read, you tell your stories with your tonque firmly in your cheek. As for me, there's no grey hair yet but i've been noticing hints of some vanishing acts - I guess either by that or by yours, our destination is the same. But we'll make sure the journey's gonna be fun, won't we?! :D
Right Chris...grey today, gone tomorrow...who cares? :P
Hi. I believe grey / silver is beautiful,also it's the way you feel about it that really matters,cheers to all the grey / silver folks around the world. :) :).
You're right oliversmum...and I'm feeling pretty good about it right now! Thanks for dropping by! :)
You are one stylin' lady, FP! I am threatening the same my self, but the blonde is going white all on its own ;)
Hello RE! In the four months since I wrote this hub my hair has grown out quite a bit, and the grey actually makes it quite look interesting now! :P
Instead of going grey I decided to go blonde - and now I have a lot of excuses for everything I do! I think probably we should extend that to grey!
LOL...as long as you're happy, akirchner! :)
What a lovely story!
For my part, having manfully accepted the inevitable progress of grey and having refused to resort to alternate means of appearing youthful, you have made me jsutified :-))
Thank you De Greek! We grey haired types must stick together! :)
As one who began to gray in her 30s and wasn't overly concerned about it, since I always had a youthful face, but whose ungraying mother in her 70s advised me to color my hair, I have some experience with it. Besides I'd always been a "Spring" in the color-typing and nothing in my palette really suited gray. I wore gold jewelry rather than silver or white gold, light warm colors rather than bright cool ones. So I used Loving Care to resume my natural reddish-brown color for a decade or so. Then at 40, ,major circumstances became more important than hair color and I allowed it to go gray, still having a youthful face. I stayed gray for nearly another decade until a hairdresser suggested I should be more "glamourous" and go blonde. I was blonde in various degrees for the many years following that until rather recently. It had been nice to not worry about dark roots giving me away. So eventually I saw little difference or value in bothering to touch up the rest of it. Then suddenly, a whole new palette became available. For the first time in my life, silver doesn't drain me of vitality! Fuschia and purple look good on me! I feel assured of being color-coordinated because of the silver on top. I scarsely think of it as a matter of age! Well - except when some cute guy in my company is mistaken for a grandson! But since I have a great-grandson who's even cuter and over six feet tall, what's to fret about? I'm quite happy as is and fully intend to live to be over 100!
I love your spirit, Nellieanna! 100 plus beckons - and may you enjoy every minute of those years! And the silver does suit you so! :)
Thank you for stopping by - I must go and peek at your hubs now!
When I decided to cover my gray, I experimented with just about every color in the rainbow. Recently, my mother said to me, "Lee, I'm so glad you've decided to go back to your natural hair color." Too funny! I no longer have any idea what my natural color is--but it's not what I have now!
Haha, I'm still waiting for my natural colour to show up! Thanks for stopping by, Lee! :)
When I was first married, my X and I owned a hair salon. I was the guinea-pig on whom every new color was tried and tested on. Lucky that my hair was indestructible as some months I sported two or maybe even three different colors. Since my divorce (I just celebrated my 30th happy divorce-sary last summer)I have not colored my hair. As I love being a Grandma I would love for my mop to go white but I guess I will forever be a salt&peppa girl. So be it. My opinion is that it's our actions that make us old not our hair color.
Love this great hub
regards Zsuzsy
How right you are Zsuzsy Bee - we're young as long as we feel young - the rest is just window dressing! Thanks for reading and commenting! :)
If I hadn't colored, I would have been totally gray at age 30!
More and more people are going grey at an early age...no more is it a sign of advancing years! Thanks for stopping by, habee! :)
hi Feline,
Growing old gracefully,,NOT.
I fight every gray hair that rears its ugly head! Mine are basically on either side of my face and hidden somewhat by my darker hair. But I know they are there! For me, this is one battle I will wage forever. Since on the sides of my face is mostly the only place they show up, I fear that if I were to let nature take its course, I'd end up looking like a skunk, as I'm sure there are other scattered gray hairs lurking beneath the surface that I cannot see. I've seen women with gray, silver, patches of brown or black here and there, and it's not pretty.
I am not vain by nature, however, there are just some battles I choose to fight. Now, if I could get the same amount of enthusiasm for fighting the wrinkles and extra weight as ferociously as I do the gray hairs, I'd be a winner lol
If this is working for you, God bless! I wish I was that brave :)
Hi trish, good to see you here! I've had almost a year to get used to the grey in my hair showing and I have to admit it's a very liberating feeling! :)
Giving in is not so bad. I applaud you for facing the inevitable with fortitude and grace. And you're right. Gray hair does not necessarily immediately imply one is in the advancing years. I'm getting gray and I'm only 36. My brother-in-law who is 3 years my junior is almost completely gray. So, there you have it. :)
Thank you Springboard. And as they say...you're only as old as you feel! :)
What an adorable article! FP you are so cute you can't be a day over 29. It is ok to be prematurely grey, it just means that you are mature for your age and deserve more respect. Very well written. =:)
Thank you Winsome...you sure have made my day! :)
I'm fighting the battle, sick of coloring, but not willing to look like a skunk with an ever widening white streak at my part. Maybe one day... Enjoyed the hub! Congratulations on looking "distinguished." :)
Hehe...U Neek, you just have to grit your teeth and bear it. It's been a year since I stopped colouring and the 'ever widening white streak' has grown out quite nicely. I'm actually enjoying looking distinguished now! :D
Thanks for stopping by. :)
You must be saving a small fortune by not colouring, well done. I'm not sure I want to try it just yet but have thought about it when I've had to pass over my credit card to the hairdressers! Here's to looking distinguished one day. :)
And cheers to that! Thanks for reading MPG...I don't know about saving a fortune by not colouring but it has saved me considerable hassle!
Congrats! I've just decided to do the same thing. Any tips? How is hubby taking it?
Thank you kamana! Hubby is a great support - he loves grey hair! In fact he's hoping he turns grey before he goes completely bald! :D
Wow, how many comments! I wasn't really able to read them all, but I wanted to let you know that I'm on the same path and I agree about the feeling of freedom it brings! Actually, it was my husband who suggested it, he wanted to see "The Real Me" and we both love what comes forward. My hair is dark, so the white gives it natural highlights and blends into a nice pepper and salt mixture.
As to tips, I sparkle my hair up a lot, sparkly barrettes, lots of hair bling! No hiding here, buddy... I don't like to just let it hang around limply, I like to dress it up a bit.
That's the spirit, Dorothee-Gy! I'm sure your hair looks wonderful! :)
I love this hub! I, too, have grey hair -- but it is not all over. It is like a monk's cap on the top of my head. It has been there since I was in my late teens. At this point, I am still coloring, but I know the day is coming!
Btw, you have not visited any of my hubs lately and I've missed your comments.
Hi mysterylady, thanks for reading! Sorry I haven't been reading much lately...must rectify that soon. :)
Hi, No way! ha ha I am going kicking and screaming into grey hair and I will keep my bottled blonde very close! lol I think I have had grey hair since my thirties but I am not sure as I have dyed my hair since my teens! I am really dark haired normally but I have been blond for years so i feel and look better with it, well I think I do! well done, I know I will do it one of these fine days but til then, no no! I think I will probably just dye it back to it's original colour and then let the grey start, I think...! ha ha cheers nell
Each to her own, Nell - as long as you are happy! :)
Vanity, that's what it's all about refusing to grey! I keep my hair short and dye it, too, but not with loud hues. I wish I look "distinguished" this way, too? I won't surely feel comfortable moving around in public with my head screaming. Just the right color for me assures me of self-respect.
The hair colour has finally grown out of my hair and I feel quite comfortable with the grey. It's just a matter of getting used to something! Thanks for reading, Lita! :)
I'm thinking about shaving my head and just wearing wigs. My hair grows so quickly. I can't afford to color it as frequently as it needs in order to look nice all the time. Is that too radical?
Very sensible idea, Patti - go ahead and do your thing! Thanks for reading! :)
I am still testing the waters as it were!
Some weeks I color others I just let it be.
It is interesting to see so many relating to this hub :-)
Hello YU_First 1! Thank you for stopping by...is this your week to colour or let it be? :)
I don't know nothing about gray, and I love yellow Garfield! Now it's too late to think about gray thoughts, it's 2:30 AM... and I can't write a single sound anymore... Have some grey dreems... maybe it helps... :)
Imagine a greying Garfield! :D
Thanks for stopping by, jantamaya!
Yes! This is the point! I can't do it! This is sacrilege or something like this. The dreems were colorful, by the way, and Garfield was orange-blue... Hmmm.
Keep watching...the colour palette will change slowly and you will get used to it! :)
And guys think about the pollution you send to the environment with every packet of colour. All the colours chemical and all eventually end in a clear river in the area i am from.
i made up my mind to go natural too today - thanks guys for the moral support.
Good for you, Mrs Willow - and thanks for stopping by! :)
I have bad dreams about letting my natural mousy brown hair grow back. Maybe I just dream in color? Anyway, I'm a late bloomer, still waiting to see those gray roots.
No grey yet? You have good genes - hang on to them! Thanks for stopping by, Green Lotus! :)
Thank you for your honesty, I have been growing my hair dye out for almost four months, at first i thought eeek every time i looked in the mirror, now i accept it, and like you said it is very liberating.
Hang in there Tracy - it's a great feeling once the 'eeeek' growing out period ends! :)
Awesome one FP...dunno how I missed this one...but glad I read it...I can totally relate to it coz at 27 my hair unfortunately is getting grey more coz it is hereditary..but your hub has given me alot of motivation to grey gracefully..lol..Loved it and sharing it with all my followers at HP and wid my friends. Cheers.
Thanks jay...glad to be of help! :)
Honest words, filled with sincerety. Great Hub.
Thank you, V Kumar!
Thank you, flinpeterson!
You have the best, irreverent, light-hearted attitude, Fe!!! I have been embracing my grey until January, when winter doldrums caused me to put in a rinse. Perked me up!!! Hugs, Story
Lovely to see you here, Story (OK, I've finally succumbed to the diminutive!)...it's been three years since I stopped colouring my hair and I still get strange looks from people. If I wasn't irreverent about it, I'd probably go into depression! :)
Shalini Kagal 2 years ago
Oh wow! So that's why we haven't seen you in a while! I'm sure you're looking gorgeous - who cares what anyone says anyway?